dialetic theory

Tonight we talked about another theory that tries to explain relationships. We have gone everywhere from simple one sentence theories to stepping stone theories to detailed graphs. For me the dialetic relationship theory helps explain relationships so much better. Looking back over the last 18 years and remembering the hardest times we had, I can see how most if not all issues we had came from either the two of us not agreeing on part of the equation or agreeing but not knowing that we agreed. Miscommunication will be my next post after we cover chapter 9.

Interpersonal Relationships

Loved the class, we heard many speeches and then covered chapter 8 which covered relationships: How and why they form. We talked about the 10 stages of a relationship from initiating to terminating. Kendra mentioned that the relationship moves back forth along the 10 stages and John stated that even at terminating stage the relationship can still backtrack and survive or even thrive. That reminded me of how precious my marriage is because we did just that. We were on the verge of the terminating stage and God helped us to rebuild our marriage into what has become the best time of our life. Not perfect but so much better than we ever thought was possible.

Non verbal clues

I need to pay more attention to non-verbal clues when interpreting meaning. None of these are new concepts but to put my mind to work at consciously interpreting their meaning is a relatively new concept. I am starting to see the benefit of actually working at communication instead of just letting it happen. I'm starting to see how all the aspects of communication work together instead of just an ocean of stuff.

Understanding

The other day Angel and I were leaving mom's house and discussing dinner. She wanted Krystals and I didn't. I was driving and so I went to the drive through at Krystals. After getting the food, Angel reminded me that Krystals is not as good when you take it home.

Bottom line: This is a great example of my selective perceptions and how the book talks about meaning and experience which all led to bypassing. Our experience had taught us that Krystals are just better when fresh but I wanted to get home so I perceived that her goal was the same.

I understood her words but I did not understand her meaning. "Getting dinner at Krystals" meant two different things to two different people. People were speaking but communication was not happening. Deciding what the sender means before deciding on an interpretation is something I need to work on.

Impromptu Speech

This week I delivered my first speech. I had 4 minutes to prepare. I gave the speech on Wal-Mart. I told them a little about my past and the class chose the subject.

Thanks to the outline, the 3 minute speech went fairly smooth. I was told to slow down and quit fidgeting, valid criticism. The information was presented almost as I had written in the outline. I need to work on ability to not get off track. Focus, focus, focus.

Week 2 "Hi, I'm Ryan"

This week we talked about defining a culture and the differences between culture and race or ethnicity. The question "who are you?" has always intrigued me. I find the fact that we are many things to many people and thus carry many different labels to be fascinating.

Take for example: While at a wedding someones asks "who are you?" and you answer " I'm the grooms cousin." Then, one hour later, you are pulled over for speeding and I assume your response would be somewhat different to the same question.

We were at Angel's parents house one day and she called her mom "mom". Her nephew went crazy. Yelling at Angel and telling her "That's my Granny, not your mom." Quite interesting and hilarious at the same time. Her nephew just couldn't see how "Granny" could also be "mom".

Finally; To some I am husband, brother, son, cousin, nephew, friend, student, teacher, coach, etc. Even when it comes to my faith I struggle with a one word definition that would be recognized yet not include those with ideas that I don't agree with. I am proud to call myself an American but I certainly don't agree with everything that we as a nation do. I am a Christian while I am not proud of some things done in the name of Christianity. I am a Baptist, but we can't even get Baptists to agree what that means. I am a fundamentalist but in today's society that has been used by those who would hurt others. I am evangelical and I look into our past and see how that has been used to enslave whole groups of people. In the end, I am Ryan Reeder. And even that title is used by some guy in Utah who is all over youtube trying to win converts to Mormonism. Oh well.

Speech Diary week one

Personal goals for Class:

I want to become better at delivering all information that is prepared. Many times I finish speaking and I wish that I had said this or that. I'll sit down and realize that I skipped an entire point that I had wanted to make. By controlling my nerves I can control the length and content of messages.

I need to listen more effectively when others are speaking. When others are speaking, I find myself coming up with the next thing I will say instead of completely listening and comprehending what they are trying to communicate. I usually jump to conclusions about what and why they are trying to communicate. I do this because my communicative reaction time is historically slow and I want to be ready to respond as soon as they are done talking.

I also hope to be more prepared when speaking to audiences. Making outlines and practicing speeches is something that will help me when preaching. Learning to find a balance in the amount of source citations to make and improving the general flow of speaking will help me to reach more people with my messages.